I honestly do not know how honest I can get with this post.
There is so much trauma and fear in my heart,
there is no hope generated in my heart.
But my intuition, my soul and my mind feel hope.
They are strengthened by “something”, I am not sure what that is.
This feeling has whispered to me from Oct 2010 and in Aug 2012 it is screaming at me.
Screaming that “it will be fine”.
And for the first time, I believe this.
In life they say: “You need to be broken down in order to be built anew”.
There was not a point in my life as a young child where I ever believed those words.
I was strong enough, and I was already a child of God and I was doing all the right things that my mother wanted me to do.
So, I must have been on the right track.
The plans of God are always greater.
With all the good that I thought I was, and really I was. He wanted more.
He broke me down, to the floor, in the darkness, with no way up.
Through those times,
He ensured that the challenges I faced challenged my strength to make me stronger,
Challenged my faith, to make me a stern believer and not a seeker.
Challenged all the things I used to do for my mother and her happiness,
channeled that to being things I do for myself.
Each time I dig and try and figure out what it is that keeps me going.
And the answer is always obvious- the Lord’s mercy.
The power of His grace and His holy Spirit.
I have cried tears, meaningful tears for years.
And I always prayed for one thing.
“Please may you reveal my purpose on this Earth”
Finally, after many years of this prayer, I see the beginning of my purpose.
Reading through this piece puts a smile on face.
That is a feeling I deserve, no matter the trying time I am going through right now.
So smile too, why the frown?