This letter is to put everything to bed.
Not sweeping it under the carpet anymore, because, it keeps coming up.
I am ready to let you go. I am ready to accept that you are no longer. You are taken from the Earth.
That, mind you, does not take away the amount of respect I have for you.
The amount of appreciation I now have and the value of the miss I have in my heart and my life for you.
This, only, just lets you leave my mind because I need to use it everyday.
And puts you out of my heart, and puts you in my soul. Which is a much better place.
Mother of mine.
I remember, at your funeral how much of me died. Lol, so much of me died with you.
I remember seeing your dead body, and could not see your legs, only your cold face. That did not allow me to believe that you were dead.
I remember telling all my friends that I believe that you are not dead. I thought one day soon, you would show up and say: “why you crying? I’m here.”
I remember how you never came back.
(Taking a break)
I remember how I become a child again when I think about you. I go all the way to 1995. I remember one day of that year. That’s when I knew that you were my pillar, and that you were never to leave me.
I made a mistake. My heart held onto that fact: that you were my pillar and you were never to leave.
And now it knows nothing else.
Heart, please, let it go!
I remember the day you past. I was at school, I was angry at my boyfriend, I was adement to go to gym, I solved a riddle out of the blue. I was dark. I was honestly sad…I had not heard the news yet.
I remember how I was last to know.
I remember how strong Keabetswe was,
I remember my weakness.
I remember how I laughed everyday and tried to look for clues of where they had hidden you…
I have stopped searching.
I remember how you have still not come back…
(taking a break…never to come back.)